Leaders are Teachers. Stakeholders Are Our Students.

What do great teachers do when a student of theirs is struggling? They lean into establishing or reinforcing a strong teacher-student relationship. They get really curious. And they lead with empathy. The most successful ones I’ve seen do this through a process like Think:Kids’ Collaborative Problem Solving protocol. In this model, both the teacher and the student contribute to identifying concerns, triggers, expectations, and solutions. I love this approach and apply it to almost everything in life, but that’s for another time. Most importantly, this mindset extends far beyond the classroom and into leadership spaces everywhere.

When I served as a middle school principal, I often thought about how I had many different kinds of students in many different kinds of classrooms. In fact, aside from the occasional class or subject I taught during the school day, none of my other classrooms existed in a traditional four-walled setting. That’s because none of my other students were technically enrolled in my middle school. My students were my stakeholder groups. And my largest group of students was my students’ parents. By extension, this lens also applies to our colleagues, including all faculty and staff, not just the teachers in our division or other administrators. In any leadership role, our “students” are the people who depend on us, challenge us, and partner with us.

Taking this lens helped me think differently about what my parent body needed from me in order to be true partners in their children’s school experience. In my community, that meant I needed to begin educating parents about adolescent development long before their child entered middle school. It also became clear that I needed to intentionally create space to hear from parents, the way a thoughtful teacher checks in with students to see how learning is landing. Listening did not mean we would always change course. It meant we were committed to understanding before responding. After all, they were entrusting their children to us every day. That’s not an easy thing to do, especially when the loftier objectives and purpose of Jewish day school education can feel elusive at times.

So when a parent would call, frustrated or concerned about something, I would take a breath and remind myself that this parent is an important student of mine who needs some 1:1 connection and support. Over time, I pushed myself to lean into these uncomfortable moments rather than avoid them, knowing how important it was to hear my student’s concerns and see whether we could figure out a way forward together within the constraints of the “classroom environment.”

Thinking about my parent body as my students also afforded me the opportunity to create a curriculum for them that my team and I could take them through. This curriculum began before middle school started and continued until their children graduated from eighth grade. For some parent-students, we even scheduled additional meetings to help ease the transition from middle school to high school. After all, it’s important that our students feel confident, safe, and secure when they leave our classrooms at the end of the year.

One thing I never finished before stepping down was writing down the parent curriculum our team created over time. I know there are schools that have done this, and it has done wonders for establishing trust between them and their parent body.

If this resonates with you, take a moment to try the following. Whether you work with parents, clients, teams, or boards, the exercise remains the same. Simply replace the word “parent” with the stakeholder group you lead.

Visualize your parent body. Imagine them in the classroom setting of your choice, inside, outside, wherever. Now identify a parent who you think is struggling to be a good partner to the school in their child’s education. If you’re having trouble thinking of someone, pick the loudest person in your parent body.

Pause. Take a breath.

Now imagine this parent as one of your students. What would happen if you leaned into your relationship with this student, got curious about what was making partnering hard for them, and led with empathy so they felt heard, understood, and ready to work with you?

Let me know if this is something you already do, whether this resonates, or how it felt when you tried it.